Relationships with our family members can be complicated, but what if they don’t have to be?  In this episode, your host, Leandra Costa, talks with Relationships Done Different Facilitator Kayla Leung about how the tools can transform your relationships with your family.  Kayla previously struggled with her family members and believed she would always be the black sheep. However, through choosing the Access tools, she has transformed her relationships and has allowance and gratitude for her family members.   Key points from this episode’s conversation How can Relationships Done Different change your point of view on relationships? Our first relationships are with our families The tools can change your family relationships Choosing from Possibility Stop Reacting Being grateful for our families Ask for advice Give compliments   How can Relationships Done Different change your point of view on relationships? Kayla used to avoid committed relationships and preferred short-term, non-committal ‘situationships’. Kayla is a Doctor in Psychology and specializes in family and marriage therapy. She saw many clients who complained about their relationships falling apart, which reinforced her belief that relationships would only cause trouble for her. She had an “I’m better by myself” mentality. When Kayla gained access to the tools and read Simone’s book, “Relationship, Are You Sure You Want One?”, she had a realization that there was a space or a possibility in relationships that she had never considered. People  tend to go into the rightness or wrongness of being or not being in a relationship, but what if there is a space beyond that, where relationships can be just for fun? Even if you’re in a relationship, it doesn’t mean you have to be in it forever. Through this awareness, Kayla became open to having and choosing relationships.  Our first relationships are with our families The first relationships we all go into are those with our family. Often, they can be complicated, but having peace with your family, you shouldn’t have to fight, defend, make yourselves small or fit a certain mold to meet their expectations. You shouldn’t have to fight for your individuality.  The tools can change your family relationships Kayla previously had terrible relationships with her family and believed she would always be the outcast, the black sheep of the family. Over time, with the tools, so much has changed. Her parents had a difficult marriage, which influenced her points of view about relationships and marriage. She used to avoid committed relationships because she thought they would lead to future problems. When Kayla began going into allowance, she realized that their relationship didn’t belong to her, and her points of view began to change. Many children grow up in similar situations, and feel they have to ‘choose a side.’ They tend to see one parent as the ‘victim’ and the other as the ‘villain’, and try to protect the ‘victim’ by making the ‘villain’ wrong. That becomes a part of their life story.  Kayla realized she wasn’t choosing relationships because she was trying to avoid having the same relationship as her parents. Choosing from Possibility Kayla was choosing from probability, not possibility. Probability is trying to predict whether or not you will follow or copy your parents’ relationship. This is not Choice. Possibility is unpredictable and allows you to choose something different. When Kayla started choosing for herself, she noticed that her sibling relationships began to change too. She had previously had a very difficult relationship with her older sister but when she chose the way she wanted to live and honor her family, things began to shift.  Even if a person treats you terribly, they are still a gift, as they show you that you are strong enough to handle that treatment. You may have difficult times with someone, but when you are choosing f