If anyone in your life talked to you the way you talk to yourself, you would kick their ass every day. Those are fighting words that you say to yourself! Do you know that? You would never tolerate that from your family or friends, but here you sit, kicking your own ass down the block all day long, and you don’t raise a finger or fist. You don’t put up a fight at all. Why is that? Where does that loud antagonizing voice come from? In A.C.A., they call it the “Inner Critical Parent,” and, at...

May 6 Don’t we often try to maneuver and manipulate things to meet our needs or demands? We make suggestions and say things when we know we shouldn’t make comments or hints - f**k - even a gesture can be manipulating if you’re doing it right. Looking for ways over or around the problem? Man, there are just too many ways to f**k with shit, huh? Sometimes, the hardest thing to come to grips with is the fact that we don’t have the answers or solutions. And the most important fact: it may not...

Summary - Buy the book! In this conversation, Carl and Chelsea discuss the theme of change and the challenges that come with it. They explore the concept of impermanence and the difficulty humans have in accepting change. They share personal experiences of navigating change and the growth that can come from it. The conversation also touches on the topic of pregnancy and the changes it brings. Overall, the conversation emphasizes the importance of embracing change and finding comfort in the...

May 5 F**k! I remember the day so vividly. Early in recovery, I was walking down the sidewalk with my one-year-old daughter. The sky was so blue and vivid, the grass so green and rich with life. A real estate agent had posted flags on every lawn for a national holiday, and my daughter was walking along and snatching up every single one of them. As we walked along, I had this feeling of goodness wash over me. It was like I had been washed of all the dirt and grime that drinking and living a...

May 4 The only thing constant in life is change. Impermanence is the nature of all things. There is not one thing on this planet that does not go through a constant state of change. Though some things may look permanent and lasting, they definitely are not. Everything. E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G. is changing right before your eyes. So, why do we have a hard time accepting this reality? Why do we fight so hard against the nature of all things in the Universe? Change will always involve some sort...

May 3 “I'd rather go through life believing I’m an alcoholic/addict than go through life drinking/drugging, trying to convince myself I'm not.” –Unknown What defines an addict or alcoholic? You’re the only one who can determine if you are an addict/alcoholic because it has more to do with your relationship with the drink or drug than anything else. But let’s give it a try here. Two factors determine whether you are an addict or alcoholic. One aspect is that once you start drinking or...

May 2 In 2022, I interviewed one of the founding members and drummer, Ryan Dusick, from Maroon 5. And Ryan’s accomplishments in beating skins and matching tempos and rhythms did not compare to what he was doing today. With his newfound sobriety, he has become a therapist and is committed to helping others find and enjoy recovery. He also wrote a book about his journey: "Harder to Breathe - A Memoir of Making Maroon 5, Losing It All, and Finding Recovery". Isn’t that better than playing...

May 1 The 12 Steps of Recovery do not have a corner on the market of sobriety. There are many ways to get sober. You don’t need to work the 12 Steps, but you should be prepared to live sober. That’s where the 12 Steps help in that process. The 12 Steps borrowed, stole, regurgitated, and reconstituted the same principles that all well-balanced people have lived by since the dawn of time. There is nothing new in the “Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous.” It contains nothing that hasn’t been...

April 30 Setbacks. Downfalls. Missed mortgage payments. Repossession and desperation. We know the extent of our disease, and it involves more than just feeling like shit all the time. We have creditors and bankruptcy behind us and ahead of us. We have our mother’s wedding ring that we pawned just to get a bottle or bag. We have real damage that can span a lifetime. Disheartening to look back, huh? Sure it is. Who wouldn’t be saddened by a life of f*****y and b******t? But no matter how...

April 29 The “Big Book” of Alcoholics Anonymous states (on page 52), “We were prey to misery and depression.” Some of us, thank God, can say this isn’t us. But for some of us, it’s the constant theme of our lives. It’s not that we asked for or welcomed it, but we are certain that we are cursed and that misery and depression follow us wherever we go. And some of us (like your illustrious author) relished the idea of being miserable. It was the perfect excuse: the all-encompassing reason to...

This is a talk given by Carl D on his experience with Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACA) and the journey of self-discovery and healing. He discusses the false self and true self in ACA, the 14 traits of ACA, the dangers and lessons learned on the journey, and the promises of ACA. Carl shares his personal experiences and how ACA has helped him find his true self and live a happier, more authentic life. Key Takeaways ACA is a program for people who were raised in an alcoholic or otherwise...

April 28 Action. M**********r. Action. You can sit around and talk about shit all you want, but if you are not willing to take action on the things that are in front of you, you are wasting your breath. How many times have you said you were going to do “X” (whatever “X” is), and you put it off or thought, “Maybe I can get to that tomorrow”? We procrastinate and put things off all the time. Some people have a nagging sense that something is not right as they get tired and feel worn out and...

April 27 This may be shocking to you, but we all believe in some form of a Higher Power. Some of us put faith in the bottle, and some in the hands of God. Either way, we relied on a power outside of ourselves to guide our actions. For a time, it may have worked in our drinking and using, until it didn’t. As we approach our bottoms and survive the fall, we get asked to consider a new way of living; we are asked to define our personal relationship with God as we understand God. Some of us...

April 26 Patience is a virtue. What is a “virtue”? Glad you asked! Virtue is “behavior showing high moral standards.” And the next time you are waiting in line or have been put on hold, try not to lose your shit, would ya? It’s childish and shows a lack of empathy for the person who is trying to get to you. They could be new on the job. They could be distracted by their inner thoughts. Maybe they’re going through the loss of a pet or loved one. The point is, you can be a little less...

April 25 Take a f*****g break. Even God rested on the seventh day, for crying out loud! We tend to get so caught up in the “go, go, go” of life that we can forget to rest. We don’t need to be “going” all the time. When you were drinking and using, you probably sat for hours not doing anything and were perfectly fine with it, but, for some reason, now that your mind seems to be working (that statement needs evaluating), you act like someone is riding your back with a whip that snaps while...

April 24 “It’s all about balance.” – That’s what my sponsor, John, would say to me when I put too much emphasis on one thing or another in my life. And something else would begin to suffer in my life. Sooner or later, my wife complained that I wasn’t spending enough time at home or that “We never go anywhere.” Or I was working too much. Etcetera. It’s partly why, at the end of our introductory lead-in statement, we used to say on Sober Pod, “Listen in moderation.” Because, as alcoholics...

April 23 Have you ever tried a meditation app or service? These tools can be powerful and help your recovery in so many ways. From “Calm” to “Headspace” and even “Apple+.” All these apps have one thing in common. The results of meditation can vary from a sense of well-being to lessening depression, anxiety, pain, etc. Meditation has been at the heart of almost every new-age spirituality and major religion for thousands of years. There are different kinds of meditations, and each has its...

April 22 You hate going there. You totally do. Every year you debate whether you should or shouldn’t. You say to yourself, “It’s just one day. What can it hurt?” Well, it hurts you. Because, for whatever reason, you don’t like going to a friend, relative, annual engagement, or whatever. For whatever reason (and there really needs to be only one reason that you don’t want to), you don’t want to go. So, f*****g don’t go. It really is that simple. Honestly, nobody will take away your...

Summary In this conversation, Carl and Dr. Alan Berger discuss the concept of emotional sobriety and its importance in recovery. Dr. Berger shares his personal journey of addiction and recovery, highlighting the pivotal moment when he encountered someone who embodied emotional freedom. They explore the idea of emotional sobriety as freedom from expectations and the ability to live from the inside out. Dr. Berger's book, '12 Essential Insights for Emotional Sobriety,' is discussed, with...

April 21 We don’t shoot our wounded. This business of getting - and remaining - sober is f*****g hard. Is it not? For some of us, it is the hardest thing we will ever do. The personal strife and confusion. The desire to drink and the desire not to drink can be terribly confusing. “Baffling,” even. Some of us get relief right away; for others, it can take months or longer. But it can and does happen. Some of us may feel cursed, even jealous, as we see people have the temptation lifted from...

April 20 There is a story about a drunk who dropped his keys on the street. The drunk was looking for his keys in the dark after the bars had closed. A cop, sitting in his car as the rain drizzled down his window, watched the drunk crawl around on his hands and knees, looking for his keys. The cop noticed that the guy only crawled around underneath the area illuminated by the street light. The cop got curious about the drunk and went over to see if he could help. The officer approached the...

April 19 “Outer order, inner calm.” – Gretchen Rubin Is your house in order? Not the metaphorical house, either! Your actual f*****g home. What about your car or your office space/desk? Are those things in order? The physical space. It’s not surprising that if your surroundings are a f*****g mess, then your inner life will be a mess, too. When we do a fourth Step in the Twelve Steps, it is also suggested we do a physical inventory. Cleaning closets, garages, and desks and organizing the...

April 18 Sometimes, you feel it; sometimes, you don’t. That wonderful spirit moves through you, and you know in some strange way that everything will be okay. What a wonderful feeling that is! Then, without warning, it’s gone. You almost feel emptied of life, and it can be scary. Some of us seek other substances to fill that void, or we try to cover the fear and relapse. Riding out these ups and downs is a part of the process. The more you do it, the easier it gets. With each new...

April 17 Recovery is not all about concepts, ideas, or wordy books (or f*****g podcasts). Most of it is about simple, actionable moments; just like being a good person is not about your intent to be a good person. Instead, you must do good things to be a good person. That is the same idea about recovery. It takes effort. What does that mean? Going to meetings, doing inventories, making amends, and helping others do the same. It doesn’t mean that we don’t fall short - we definitely do - but...