Things take a turn for the worse for Pat the hypochondriac as monkey pox enters the mainstream. Plus, he recaps a weekend in Wisconsin, including the most bath*t insane story from the news there, explains why you should never outwardly show your support for a Presidential candidate, and shares some news on the future of the podcast.

Pat is a little self conscious about how some shirts are fitting, and his wife does nothing to help ease his fears. Plus, he tries to work through a landscaping dilemma with Producer James, describes how he gets in his car every morning to avoid a carjacking, and discusses what his life has been like without Twitter.

Pat is completely blown away by how many politicians and rock stars are visiting Kyiv during the middle of a war. Plus, he is very angry over the finale of “Ozark,” proposes fines for old guys who insist on having children, and ponders if OnlyFans makes up for how terrible women are treated in our society.

Pat discusses a heckler telling him he has a fat ass, and Producer James does nothing to boost his confidence. Plus, he has strong feelings about politicians having fun (they shouldn’t), weighs in on corporations taking political stands (they also shouldn’t), and strives to live more like Joe Exotic. Ya know, minus the conspiracy to commit murder thing.

Pat recaps a wild weekend of shows, including one where he performed with a crucified Jesus hanging directly over him. Plus, he cannot believe how many colleges kids apply to now, discusses the oldest person in the world dying, which leads to another wacky theory from Producer James, and they honor the most dedicated climate activist the world has ever seen.

Pat goes on a rant about how stupid trying to go to Mars is. Plus, he tries to understand why some people get so worked up about using different pronouns, is dumbfounded that we still use the electric chair in this country, and explains why he may need to trade in his dog for a new one (spoiler alert, he’s not going to). 

Pat examines the Elon Musk-Twitter situation, and cannot fathom a Twitter with more freedom of speech. Plus, he shares the story of the first time he got a full body massage, imagines what the Bezos-Kardashian-Davidson double date was like, and in light of a Hollywood divorce, wonders what single life would look like if Amy ever got sick of him.

Pat is playing injured this week, and details how exactly men his age get hurt. Plus, with Louis CK winning a Grammy Pat has a recommendation for a special from a guy who’s NOT wanked off in front of anyone. He also has thoughts about all these “Don’t Say Gay” bills, and voices his support for old people not being able to retire until 65.

Pat breaks down what he thinks Chris Rock’s biggest regret was at the Oscars. Plus he shares his thoughts on our President accidentally calling for a regime change in Russia, discusses the Mayor of Chicago’s plan to put the Columbus statue back, and shares how intense his fear of flying has become

Between a potential Mayoral candidate giving away gas, to another alderman going to jail, Pat is never not astounded by the Chicago political scene. Plus he has thoughts about Trump discussing foreign policy with Kid Rock, this newfound national obsession with trans kids and sports, and a potential nuclear holocaust. Enjoy!

Pat breaks down crazy billionaire Elon Musk challenging crazy dictator Vladimir Putin to a fight for Ukraine. Plus he has some thoughts on the wife of a Supreme Court Justice attending the Jan. 6 protest/riot, examines one Chicago politician’s solution for curbing violence with karate, and tries to predict how long he will live in the ass-backwards state known as Illinois.

A couple of events make Pat get down on his knees and thank God he lives in America- namely him being able to go to Indiana and blow something up without the government’s permission. Plus, he discusses why Conservatives and Liberals need other, how insane everyone in Chicago goes when the temperature hits 50, and why we make our friends punish their bodies in order for us to donate a cause they care about.

Pat discusses how awful Putin is when other awful people think he’s too awful. Plus, he talks about his experience creating a living will (did not enjoy it), is dumbfounded by how the greatest country in the world still decides Presidents with straw polls and caucuses, and learns a new secret about Producer James.

Trump’s new social media app crashes and Pat is shocked, SHOCKED that an app created by a 75-year old man would have issues. Plus he scolds Producer James for nearly getting electrocuted, has serious questions about how chicken farmers are killing entire flocks infected with bird flu, and explains why he’s terrified to fly right now.

The Canadian trucker protest is over and Pat is dumbfounded over how it lasted so long. Plus he recaps his Super Bowl weekend and shares his concern for The Rock, has questions about how Beto O’Rourke pays his mortgage, and wonders if he has a future in selling NFT’s.

Pat discusses the unhinged lunatics going nuts at school board meetings over pieces of cloth. Plus, he coaches guys on how to talk about the Joe Rogan controversy and not get themselves in trouble, gives his thoughts on a politician who just got outed as a swinger, and recaps another corporate gig from hell.

Pat discusses the Spotify-Joe Rogan controversy, and thanks Baby Jesus that Harry and Megan got involved. Plus, he shares his thoughts on over-Patriotic bumper stickers, why he’d never want to live in a post-apocalyptic world, and how insane the concepts of zoos is.

It’s our 50th episode! Pat and James look back on the podcast’s humble beginnings, plus Pat details how fantastic a neighbor he is, wonders if he should be like Adele when he cancels shows, and has some thoughts about people who post their Wordle scores.

Pat and Producer James discuss how the world is moving towards virtual reality, and wonder how they can profit from it. Plus, Pat returns to the stage, his hatred of winter reaches a boiling point, and he explains what makes him different from most sports fans.

So much animal talk this week. Pat shares his thoughts on the The Pope calling pet owners selfish, and reacts to a breakthrough discovery in dolphins sexuality. Plus, he weighs in on whether or not Kanye West is a “genius,” and is overwhelmed by a gift from Producer James.    

Pat reminisces about the first time he found out he was a fat kid, and how it’s mentally damaged him as a fully formed grown man. Plus, he reveals why he’s rooting harder for a comet to destroy Earth, explains how he wants to be disposed of when he dies, and has some thoughts about the Catholic Church crying poor.

It’s the last podcast of 2021! Pat draws the ire of a new neighbor by playing with his dog on school property, causing her to launch a Facebook assault on him. Plus, he gives his thoughts on a sobering op-ed warning of a Civil War, wonders what Trump’s big announcement will be, and takes a stand against standing ovations. Merry Christmas!

Pat breaks down the wars he’s waging against a newspaper reporter and the Cameo app. Plus, he shares the insane request someone had for him the night he recorded his special, discusses his hatred of slow walkers, and recaps the time he told the truth about Santa on live TV.

Pat had a baby stay at his house for a weekend and it changed his stance on having kids . . . for 2.5 hours. Plus, he rants about people who wear pajama pants in public, discusses America’s love/hate relationship with guns, and thinks Jussie Smollet has the most supportive/insane family in America.