How do you manage the mental load of running a household, a career, and all that makes up your life? The TL;DR is this: It's okay to let others help you bear the mental load as well as the physical tasks. It doesn't make you any less of a good mother, wife, co-worker, or other such role. It means you're putting yourself first for a change without losing sight of your responsibilities. And this is a good and healthy thing to do. Managing the mental load--and sharing it with others--makes for a more peaceful and productive life Recently I’ve run across a bunch of social media posts in which women are talking about the difficulties of managing the mental load of running a household, often while also working full time. Many of these posts seem to focus on frustration with or resentment of husbands or male partners who aren’t, in the poster’s opinion, carrying their fair share of that mental load. The comments on these posts are full of hostility, often seeming to pit women and men against each other.  I have to confess I’ve found these discussions puzzling. Not because I don’t recognize or understand the concept of mental load, because of course I do. But the hostility does puzzle me, as does what appears in many cases to be the underlying resentment some women feel toward some of the demands of motherhood as they are experiencing it. It seems these experiences and feelings would certainly make it harder to make a life that matters.  Because I want to understand better the experiences many women seem to be having as women and moms, I decided to do some research into the concept of mental load, the experiences many women are having of it, and how we can find ways to manage and share that load so that each of us can continue to define, pursue, and make a life that matters.  The Definition of "Mental Load" According to a post by UCLA Health, “Mental load typically refers to the behind-the-scenes, cognitive and emotional work needed to manage a household. Examples are meal planning, scheduling and generally meeting the needs of every family member. The mental tasks you take on at work can also add to your total load." Another article on the Mind Body Green website notes that “the mental load is about not the physical tasks but rather the overseeing of those tasks. It's being the one in charge of having the never-ending list of to-do items constantly running in your head, remembering what needs to get done and when, delegating all the tasks to respective family members, and making sure they actually get done.”  One writer refers to it as “the work that keeps you up at night”: “When you or your partner puts their head on the pillow at night or has a moment in a quiet car ride, the noise that swirls around in the brain is the mental load. . . . When should we schedule the next pediatrician appointment? Will I have time to get to the grocery store to get food for our guests before their flight gets in? Wait, do they have food allergies? The baby’s stuffed animal is in the wash, and he gets fussy without it. Does the dog need to go to the vet?”  Yet another definition from the Better Help website: “Mental load definition: mental load is the cognitive effort involved in managing your work, relationships, a family, and a household. Mental load is the whole bundle of details you manage throughout the day.