This week, we watched the not-really-a-movie movie Brooklyn Bizarre. It's 80-90% montages of upsetting weirdo burlesque performances, and then there's a completely unexplained murder at the end, but join us as Eric tries to convince us that it actually means something. Topics discussed: What exactly is burlesque? Chris describes a very short porno Mumblecore movies that pretend they're gay movies Russian accents What exactly is a metaphor? We Read Movies This podcast is hosted by...

This week we watched the 2023 slasher movie Departing Seniors. When a gay high-schooler is pushed down the stairs by bullies, the blow to his head that almost kills him actually gives him psychic powers, which he can use to see the future. He then uses that power to save his bullies (who, you may remember, just pushed him down the stairs) from a vengeful serial killer, it's unclear why, tbh Topics discussed: The 3 Body Problem is kind of a dumb show But so are a lot of shows we like Other...

This week, we watched the 2005 rom-com Adam and Steve featuring Parker Posey and Chris Kattan (and starring two other people). We say rom-com, but there's not really any romance, nor is there any comedy. Instead, we're given confusing bits about family curses and a full performance of a song from the Sound of Music. Topics discussed: We watch a lot of tv shows and they're all more interesting to talk about than this movie Hair in the 80's 9/11 The hottest cowboys We Read Movies This...

This week, we watched the 2018 thriller Devil's Path. When two obvious lunatics meet on a cruising ground within a state park, each with their own secrets, they begin a deadly game of cat and mouse. Or, at the very least, they wander the woods for about an evening, yelling at each other about whether love exists or not. The movie doesn't make much sense, but, hey, at least it only an hour and 22 minutes long. Topics discussed: The name of the pokemon Muk The efficacy of half a deck of...

This week, we watched the 1988 British film The Fruit Machine. Which, yes, does mean it's time for some positively terrible accents from us while we discuss a film where a couple of teenagers witness a murder, go on the run, get abused by a famous opera singer, and finally rescue a magical dolphin. It's a truly wild film. Topics discussed: Robbie Coltrane Flipper's jean shorts Are fish creatures? Are dolphins fish? What exactly is the X-Simulator? We Read Movies This podcast is...

This week, we were joined by Seattle drag royalty Mark Finley to talk about the movie that he appears in, Holiday Heart. When a drag queen with the legal birth name of Holiday Heart (played by Ving Rhames) befriends an addict (Alfre Woodard), and her daughter, he puts all of his dreams on hold for the benefit of people who don't seem to deserve his kindness, or even want it. Also then he gets into a relationship with the addict's drug dealer/ex. It's all very strange. Topics...

This week, we got into the Christmas spirit with the 2013 movie Scrooge and Marley, a gay retelling of A Christmas Carol that implies the two title characters will be in love, but they're not. It's mostly a faithful retelling of the Dickens story except that everyone is gay in it, and also they add Bruce Vilanch playing a real creep. Topics discussed: Chris has been radicalized to libertarianism (but not really) Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Pride and Prejudice Roommates who pee their...

This week, we watched Baby Steps, the sequel to the 2018's Say Yes, which you may remember from a past episode, is about a woman with cancer who decides to set up her husband and her twin brother. In the sequel, they're still together, and from beyond the grave, she's decided to interfere in their lives further, this time by telling them that she froze some eggs and they should have her baby. Oh, and also there's a DPing scene Topics discussed: Air Bud doesn't go to their school, though!...

This week, we watched The Singing Forest, a movie that we have a lot of theories and questions about. Questions like, "why?" and "wait, what?!" IMDb calls it "The worst LGBT movie ever," are they right? Let's find out! Topics discussed: The Young Pope is younger than other popes Reincarnation Chris tries to remember the name of the movie Deadfall for a while You don't have to be crazy to work here, but it helps We Read Movies This podcast is hosted by ZenCast.fm

This week, we watched the 2022 "thriller" eXploited, which is in no way related to eXistenZ, despite their shared love of capitalizing letters in the middle of words. No, this one is about how online porn leads to murder. Or... not really murder, I guess. There's actually surprisingly little murder in this movie that sure makes you want to think it's about murder. But you do get a lot of weird fetishes! Topics discussed: Being given porn by basically strangers Drunk guy fights Why are...

This week, we watched the 2006 homoerotic boarding school witch movie The Covenant, starring Sebastian Stan and Steven Strait. Although it's not a "gay movie" per se, it's actually surprisingly gay, and the swimming pool scene was important for a lot of gay teens in the early 2000's. Topics discussed: Incubi and the band Incubus What exactly is a Darkling? How many vaginas do spiders have? We Read Movies This podcast is hosted by ZenCast.fm

This week, we watched the 2020 movie Out of Body. When a demon is released from an orb (you know how all orbs have demons living inside them?), and possesses the body of Malcolm, it's up to his best friend Henry (who's secretly in love with him) to get it back. Or that's what the description on IMDb would have you believe. Mostly Malcolm just tries to get Henry laid from beyond the grave for some reason, and then the movie kind of ends. Topics discussed: America's favorite serial...

This week, we watched the 2005 film Open Cam, which only served to reinforce for Chris that he's getting older and will someday die. A serial killer is stalking the streets of Washington DC, and specifically targeting the men in a DC based cam site, but don't worry because a mysterious gay detective (who may or may not be a ghost) is on the case. Will they figure out who did it before the audience does? Is the sex in this movie really happening? Why do all the dicks look so pixelated? Let's...

This week, we (along with 6 million straight women) watched the 2023 movie Red, White and Royal Blue. A Rom-Com (but hold the com, please) about the son of a US president falling in love with the Prince of England. Despite being about gay people, it seems to have been made exclusively for a straight audience, and boy do we have some thoughts about that. Topics discussed: Boy, our politicians are old Accents Eric hates on the British Where the butthole is The President and Vice President...

This week, we watched the 2012 Rob Williams film The Men Next Door. When a sad sack without any real friends starts dating both a father and his son at the same time, he has to make a choice, and it'll involve retelling the story to four different people in great detail. Topics discussed: Cake blindness So much incest Chris describes The Green Lantern is Gay!: An XXX Porn Parody Juggler Bottoms We Read Movies This podcast is hosted by ZenCast.fm

This week, we watched the 2018 young adult film Love, Simon, a movie that's about 50% emails. When a closetted gay teen is blackmailed with emails that he sent to another closetted gay teen, it leads to a dramatic coming out that will have everyone in his life going "oh, okay. That's fine" Topics discussed: How many emails do I have to wait before I send a dick pic? Bullying bullies Cabaret Internalized homophobia Links mentioned in this episode: https://glowmoondoll.com/ We Read...

This week, we watched the 2006 made for HereTV movie Deadly Skies, starring future neo-con Antonio Sabato Jr. When an planet killer asteroid threatens to crash into the Earth, it's up to a plucky band of scientists and two gay Air Force guys to save the world by turning on a secret laser everyone knows about but no one wants them to use. This is another HereTV movie that they made with a gay version and a straight version, although this time we all got on the same page and watched the gay...

This week, we watched the 2023 slasher movie Fire Island, not to be confused with the 2022 rom-com Fire Island. It may or may not be a sequel to past We Read Movies flick Last Ferry (it's not), and it may or may not even be a gay movie, but we have fun with it. Topics discussed: Sequel naming conventions Magneto wasn't real What straight people think drag is Too much SVU? We Read Movies This podcast is hosted by ZenCast.fm

This week, after some mild technical difficulties, we're back! And we watched the 2013 gay hitman flick Triple Crossed, starring and directed by the very good sport friend of the pod Sean Paul Lockhart. When an ex-marine is given a job to kill the ex boyfriend of his friend and sometimes lover... you know what? This plot is incomprehensibe. but we had fun with it anyway Topics discussed: Oroborous porn The laws around faking your own death Gay LFO How to do crimes badly We Read...

This week, we watched the 2012 rom(?)-com(?) Love Or Whatever, the film that dared to ask the question, "can bi people be trusted?" And that also dares to answer the question, "no. They cannot." Also, it dares to ask the question, "what's Meredith from the Office been up?" And the answer to that question will shock you. Topics discussed: Rumplestiltskin's name People who think puppets are people How many sex positions are there, exactly? The Same Girl song doesn't make any sense We Read...

This week, we watched the 2007 Rob Williams (not to be confused with Robin Williams) movie Back Soon. When a straight drug dealer gets a horny dead lady's ghost inside his body, he turns gay for her widower, who turns gay for him too through the power of sleepwalking. It's a very confusing plot, but it's also very boring. Topics discussed: The difference between Ding Dongs, HoHos and Cupcakes (hint, there isn't one) Weird food combinations "Gang banger hair" Exposition dialogue We Read...

This week, we watched the 2022 body horror (or so we were led to believe) movie Swallowed. When a gay guy and his best straight friend get roped into being drug mules, they find out that the condoms full of drugs they swallowed to cross the Canadian border were actually weirdo bug eggs that are hatching inside of them. And then there's an extended fisting scene. Topics discussed: The chemical makeup of squirt Licking toads Sex rooms Fist shaped foods We Read Movies This podcast is...

This week, for the podcast's three-year birthday, after threatening to do it for so long, we decided to torture ourselves by watching the Kevin James and Adam Sandler movie I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry. That's right we sat through every minute of this TWO HOUR LONG movie (that's about an hour and a half of fat jokes) so that you don't have to. CONTENT WARNING: This movie uses sexual assault as a punchline a lot, and we discuss the movie doing that. Topics discussed: The many...

This week, we watched the very recent M. Night Shyamalan movie Knock At the Cabin. Ostensibly a movie with gay main characters, and we don't want to spoil the twist for you, but it ends up being quite possibly the most offensive movie we've ever seen, both because it's actually offensive and because it's deeply boring, but man does it make plane crashes funny. Topics discussed: A brand new JFK assassination theory The binding of isaac (the story, not the game, although the game's rad) How...