Have you ever found yourself in an affair situation with someone who is monogamously committed to someone else? For a while, your partner is pretty sure they want to leave that relationship and pursue a non-affair relationship with you. They share their intentions to leave their partner for weeks, months, or even years, and they may even take action to prove these intentions.    Then, one day, your affair partner reaches the point where they decide that they can’t leave their committed...

How often do you make a decision that you think you’re happy with, then doubt yourself and fear it was the wrong one because you feel so many mixed emotions about it? When you make a major decision in your life, about your infidelity situation or otherwise, you are most likely going to have mixed thoughts and feelings about it, but that DOESN’T mean it’s a problem or a sign you should choose differently.    In this week’s episode of Your Secret Is Safe With Me, learn why it is completely...

Join me for part two of "Why I Do the Work I Do" as I share the turning point that led me to become a relationship coach specializing in non-judgmental assistance to people engaging in infidelity, and exactly what it took for me to get here. I’m picking up where I left off last week and sharing the power of taking small steps forward, even when your confidence is wavering, and how I created this unique role for myself despite believing for a while that I didn’t have what it takes to be an...

As you may be aware, “non-judgmental infidelity coach” is not a common job description that exists out there in the world, at least not to my knowledge. This thing I do and the angle I take is pretty unique, and I am dedicated to offering non-judgmental guidance to people actively engaging in any form of infidelity. But how did I get here? What exactly led me to do the work I do?   In this week’s episode, I share where my interest in all things sexuality and the stigma surrounding it came...

At some point, the drawbacks of your infidelity situation can start to outweigh the benefits, and if this happens for you, you may want to start thinking about taking a conscious, deliberate approach to resolving your infidelity situation in a way you feel good about. Yes it might feel hard at first – so hard that you may decide that you’d rather stay put and continue to accept the status quo – but here’s the thing: staying stuck and stressed is NOT your only option. It is NOT as hard to...

If you experience boredom after you’ve stopped engaging in infidelity, you may not know what to do with yourself, and you are NOT alone. Post-infidelity boredom is a thing, but fortunately for you, I have some recommendations to help you deal with it. In this episode, I share why you might find yourself feeling bored once you end your infidelity situation, some examples of what this can look like and indications that you are feeling this way, and how to examine your overall satisfaction...

In this week’s episode, I talk about why exploring non-monogamy COULD be a way to resolve your infidelity situation… and when why exploring non-monogamy may NOT going to be an effective way to resolve your infidelity situation. As non-monogamy becomes a more and more legitimate way to configure our relationships, it’s increasingly important to use discretion when we’re wondering if turning a monogamous relationship into a non-monogamous one will help us resolve our infidelity situation.   ...

Before initiating the conversation with your partner about your affair, there are some things you need to be clear on. In today’s episode, I discuss how to tell your partner about your affair and provide tips on how to approach this conversation in two different kinds of circumstances.   When you find yourself in the situation of telling your partner about your affair, there are many things you can choose to say, ways you can react, and ways you can disclose your infidelity. Learn how to...

Is your affair partner invested in helping you leave your committed relationship? In today’s episode, I explain the importance of understanding the extent to which your focus is on your affair partner’s desires and how to be aware if the decisions you’re making are for yourself.   Even if you want the same things your affair partner wants, you each have to take your own path to get there, and it’s important that you differentiate wanting something and actually deciding to do it. Learn the...

Today, I look at the question of how long you should wait for your affair partner to leave their marriage. Maybe you don’t want to set a timeline for your partner and prefer to wait indefinitely for them to leave. Regardless of your situation, I guide you in making the decision that is right for you.   Learn the questions to ask yourself and discover how to get clear on how long you are willing to wait for them, why it’s worth waiting, or why you are not willing to wait for them to leave...

Today, I’m talking to those of you who have an agenda for your affair partner. Even though you mean well, the truth is that you can only manage your own business. It’s important to let your affair partner figure things out for themselves, and today, I’ll explain why.   Understanding what you want when you have an agenda, whether you realize it or not, will only help YOU deal with your infidelity situation. Hear why letting go of your agenda is good for your partner and perhaps even more so...

Whether you've been a dedicated listener for a while or have just recently tuned in to the podcast, you might be curious about what it's like to work together. In this episode, I share what it's like to receive my coaching and how it can benefit you, regardless of the type of infidelity situation you are in.   I discuss my philosophy and approach to infidelity, explaining the three ways we can work together. You'll learn what you can expect from the Self-Guided Course, the Group Coaching...

The feeling of fear is one of the things that can make infidelity situations seem so hard to deal with. There are a LOT of things that might seem scary within your infidelity situation. Will life as you know it come to an end if you choose to pursue a relationship that began as an affair? Will you kids hate you forever if you choose to end your marriage with their other parent? Will getting divorced be awful and painful? What will people think of you if they know you’ve cheated?   Here’s...

Are you ready to make some changes but don't know where to start? This week, I share some helpful tools to help you create change and resolve your infidelity situation.   You might need to do things you’ve never done before, and that’s okay. I explain how the sooner you find a way to address the situation, the better your overall quality of life will be, and I also discuss the role your feelings play when making significant changes. These tools will guide you through the changes in your...

With a new year beginning, there's a feeling of change in the air for some. And maybe that change has to do with your infidelity situation. In this episode, I explore how to take charge of change in your infidelity situation, the reasons we sometimes avoid change, and why our mindset is the number one factor in making change.   Tune in to learn how to be a person who takes action in a way you never have before. It is possible to feel differently about your infidelity situation, but more...

I believe that “difficulty” is not an absolute truth or fact but rather a matter of our thinking. In this episode, I discuss the many ways we can think differently about difficult situations. I revisit my concept of the “think, feel, act” cycle and explore how you can reshift your thinking around the idea of difficulty.   When we don’t deal with the root of the problem, we usually prolong our troubles. And to not prolong our troubles, we simply need to start facing them. Tune in for some...

Often, people dealing with an affair ending come up against disenfranchised grief and finding forced validity in their experience. In today’s episode, I discuss how to deal with missing your affair partner in a way that supports your feelings and reasons, regardless of your support system or situation.   Learn how to get through the three main stages of your affair ending and how to honor your sense of loss in each one. Understand how to find lessons in both your heavy and freeing feelings....

Often, our infidelity situations come with extreme highs and lows. In this episode, I talk about that emotional rollercoaster and how the extreme ups and downs can feel like a really big deal. I discuss different situations where these ups and downs can occur and how handling this rollercoaster is totally doable.   You get to decide how you want to ride the rollercoaster, how long you want to stay on, and when you want to get off. Tune in to learn some simple mental shifts that can help you...

Holidays or not, there’s never a perfect time to break up with someone. You may have been planning to break up with your partner, but then Thanksgiving rolled around, now Christmas, and then it's New Year's…I get it, and it's okay to choose to wait. But how will you go through with your choice when the holidays are all said and done?   In this episode, I discuss how to make the most of breaking up with someone post-holiday. I teach you how to take initiative and make a clear decision, all...

The holidays are fast approaching, and you might be in the midst of figuring out your family’s plans. More importantly, you may be figuring out how to integrate your former affair partner, now partner, into your family’s holiday plans.    In this episode, I explore how to prepare for the different scenarios and responses that you may experience when bringing your new partner home for the holidays. I cover negative and lukewarm responses, how to play the long game, and that your relationship...

In this episode, I share a lengthy list of questions that you can answer to help find the gifts within your infidelity situation. It would be silly to act like you’re not getting something positive out of it, so why not acknowledge what that something is?    Answer these questions honestly, don't hold back, and don’t judge your responses. Realize that being honest with yourself is a prerequisite for living the life you want. Regardless of the situation, your infidelity may be the catalyst...

Breakups are an amazing opportunity to start over. You can be feeling sad, hurt, and angry, while also stepping into a new chapter of your life.   In this episode, I discuss how you can grow forward while still processing a breakup from the past. I talk about reframing the story of your breakup, how to foster new connections with yourself and others, and how to start actively cultivating joy. Choosing to begin a new chapter is a profound act of self-love. Listen in to learn how to start...

If someone you love breaks up with you, it may hurt like hell.  If a relationship that you hoped would continue comes to an end, you may be hurt, devastated, and possibly very pissed off.     And that’s totally fair and totally reasonable.  Sometimes the only possible response to being broken up with is to feel profoundly awful for a while.   In this week’s episode of “Your Secret is Safe with Me,” I talk about why it can feel like you’re dying when a relationship you’ve cherished comes...

It’s reasonable to have hopes, wishes, and desires in any relationship. However, trying to coerce, cajole, or threaten your partner into getting what you want is never the solution. Whether you feel pulled to issue your infidelity partner an ultimatum, or find yourself on the receiving end of one, this episode covers both sides of the coin.   Join me this week to hear what you must recognize if you are thinking about issuing an ultimatum and how to navigate receiving an ultimatum in your...