I'm going through a 'life phase' right now where I'm learning and doing and trying a bunch of new things.    Some days I feel a bit frustrated that I didn't know some of these things sooner, or that I have never done something like this before, or that I'm as old as I am and this is all new to me.    And then I cut myself some slack because it's not like there's a manual for all the things we need to know in life.    It's very much the same when it comes to the social world. There is no...

Last week a friend of mine posted a picture on Facebook of a messageboard with a cryptic message that I couldn't uncrack. I scrolled through the comments and saw that it's 'court reporter speak'. I have zero familiarity with this 'language', and seeing it made me even more confused as to how it's actually useful!   It's interesting how we all interpret things differently. How two people can look at a picture or a situation or a person and see two completely different things. The message...

In our weekly social groups, we are finally talking about friends! We've been building up to this point for a while.    Any time we learn something new, there's also some unlearning that has to happen. That's what has been going on in our groups: I am helping students unlearn what they THINK friendship is. Over the years, I've realized and recognized several different misconceptions our kids have when it comes to who friends are, and how to actually make them.   In this week's...

I really love learning new things, especially when those things help me figure out more about myself. I had no idea that was going to be the case when I scheduled an interview with this week's guest, Niki McGlynn.   The more Niki talked about her work with primitive reflexes, the more I realized she was describing so many of the things that are a challenge for me physically. From my over-the-top startle reflex to my inability to look behind me while cycling without crashing, Niki had an...

One of the most important needs we all have as humans (once our basic needs are met) is the need to be seen for who we are.    If you think about the people in your life that are the most important to you, chances are it's because they make you feel seen for who you are. They love you, they care about you, they respect you. Even when you've had a rough day. Even when you mess up. Even when things aren't going well. Even when you aren't sure who you are.   In this week's podcast/YouTube...

Have you ever noticed how much the way you were raised influences the way you parent/teach? Honestly, I think it was a big factor in my decision to NOT have kids.   These human brains of ours only know what we've been exposed to, so they carry on with what we have been taught or have experienced. They just don't know any better.    In this week's podcast/YouTube episode, Rose Clark and I are talking about how to maintain your boundaries AND those of your child! I found this conversation...

The number one reason parents register their kids for either the group program here at Starfish Social Club or my 1/1 support is because they recognize their child doesn't have friends. This can be a very emotional and pivotal point for parents.   But you know what event may be even more important? When kids recognize this for themselves. When our kids first start to realize they don't have anyone to play with. Or that other kids avoid them. Or that no one ever asks for their number or...

One of the things I really enjoy about being an adult is being able to figure out what I need to be happy and functional. It has taken me a while to be honest, but I'm grateful to have the autonomy to know what I need and be able to integrate the things I need into my life.   Our kids often don't have enough life experience to be able to tell us what they need to be more happy and functional, but we can start to figure things out just by observing what they are already doing!   In this...

My main goal here at Starfish Social Club is helping kids learn the skills and strategies that make it easier for them to make friends. While we all notice when our kids are struggling socially, I don't think we always realize how much it can impact the quality of their lives.  I came across this quote last week: "As a culture, we could improve our national happiness levels by making sure people focus most on what is primary - marriage and intimate relationships - and not on what is...

When I was little, the situation that was most likely to cause me to melt down was having to wear shoes. I HATED wearing shoes. I spent a lot of my childhood in Jellies. (If you don't remember Jellies, they were my generation's version of Crocs.)     One of the big challenges with the things that bother/upset/stress out our kids is that we can't always figure out what is happening. It could be smells. Or sounds. Or lights. Or vibrations. It's very difficult to prevent triggers that we...

 Have you ever thought about how much your ability to communicate shapes your life? This has been on my mind a lot recently. From moving to a place where I don't know anyone to traveling to countries where English isn't the native language, I've become very aware of how my ability to both communicate information and to have social conversations is vitally important to my safety, my relationships, and my emotional wellbeing.  This week's podcast/YouTube episode is all about the third...

I am often part of conversations about the need to parent and teach our nontraditional kids in nontraditional ways. Sometimes I'm even leading these discussions. Usually this has to do with the way we utilize incentives, consequences, resources, accommodations, teaching strategies, etc.    One way we can parent and teach differently that I feel is often overlooked has to do with the paths we allow our kids to take as they move from teen to adult. Even though we know our kids think and learn...

The number one concern I hear from parents is that their child or teen or young adult doesn't have friends. That is by far the primary reason parents enroll their kiddos in my program. The second most common observation parents share with me is that their kiddo doesn't get social clues and cues. They are socially naive, confused, overwhelmed or frustrated. In this week's podcast/YouTube episode, I'm sharing all the things I teach in the second module of my program here at Starfish Social...

I've been noticing a lot of articles and posts lately about emotional regulation. I've even seen it mentioned that difficulty with regulating emotions is the ONE symptom of ADHD that everyone who is diagnosed experiences.    Because of this, terms like 'overreactive', 'maladaptive', and 'dysfunctional' may be used to describe our kids and their choices. We probably also know adults who could be described this way as well.   In this week's podcast/YouTube episode with Jessica Sinarski, we...

I often struggle to describe exactly what I teach to the students in the program here at Starfish. Partly because my ADHD brain has a hard time translating my thoughts into words sometimes, and partly because there is just SO much that goes on here!   I usually use the term 'social skills' to describe what students learn, but really I only use that term because it's what people know and recognize. We also work on: life skills problem-solving skills communication strategies ...

Have you ever been part of a conversation or been in a situation where you feel like you are missing something? Where it feels like everyone else knows what's going on except you? This week's podcast/YouTube episode with Dr. Michelle Hu dives into what it feels like to ALWAYS feel that way. Michelle grew up hard of hearing, and describes her social interactions as 'swiss cheese' with information constantly falling through the holes.  We talk about what it feels like to experience the social...

Welcome back!   There is a photo of my extended family at Christmas dinner, taken when I was a child. I'm the kid who is NOT having a good time.   Why? I have no idea. All I know is that I was a difficult kid.    Why? Again, I have no idea. I was too young to have memories of the reasons behind why I did the things I did.    I do know that having a reputation as a difficult kid profoundly shaped who I am now. It is definitely one of the biggest reasons behind why I am so passionate...

Welcome back!   While it's not fun to talk about depression and anxiety, I feel like it's definitely necessary.     I looked at research regarding anxiety and depression amongst kids with autism and ADHD. The statistics were all over the place, but the bottom line is that everything I saw and read backed up the fact that autistic and ADHD kids are significantly more likely to struggle with these disorders than neurotypical kids. In this episode I talk about not only what depression and...

Welcome back!   This week's podcast/YouTube episode is inspired by some situations I've witnessed or been a part of lately: *Hearing a father tell his toddler daughter that she isn't allowed to tell him 'no' *Getting lost in the woods, which led to my encounter with the volunteer fire department    These situations led me to create this week's episode on three things I think all our kids should learn and be able to say.   Here's a clip from the episode: But compliant kids are often...

Have you ever felt caught in the middle between wanting to support your kids in what they want for themselves, and wanting to make sure they will be functional, successful adults? It can be a tricky balance when it comes to setting boundaries, allowing failures, and giving advice. In this week's episode, I'm talking with Daniel Keith Austin about how parents can support the dreams and goals of their neurodivergent kids. Daniel is an autistic author, and after we recorded this episode...

You know that visual of an iceberg that often gets used to describe things being 'under the surface'? It's a way to demonstrate what is seen compared to the monstrosity of what is not seen about a situation. On this week's podcast/YouTube channel, I'm jumping into chores and hygiene. Talk about an iceberg graphic!  On the surface, it probably seems like kids refuse to do chores or hygiene tasks 'just because'. In reality, there can be SO MANY reasons for these things to be difficult for...

A couple months ago I was talking to a mom in Australia about her family. She shared that her kids are both neurodivergent, and so is she, and so is her partner! She felt like the most challenging part was knowing how to support them socially when she feels socially challenged herself.  In my experience, when kid(s) AND parent(s) have a diagnosis, it tends to play out in one of two ways: Scenario 1: personality conflicts abound and relationships are difficult. This was the story for Ann...

Mel Robbins, one of my favorite people to follow and listen to, says, "You are one decision away from a completely different life." I'm a huge believer in the power of this concept. I also feel like it's very applicable when it comes to making friends.   Sometimes our kids struggle to make friends because of their reputation. They don't realize they are saying or doing things that are sabotaging their reputation and, as a result, their relationships.   And sometimes our kids have great...

There's something about this time of year that seems to make parenting, teaching, just 'peopling' in general more difficult.    The shine of the new school year has worn off. Kids who haven't adapted so well to the transition are really struggling. Holidays are on the horizon, which can cause extra stress and anxiety at home. The days are getting shorter. The time change is coming. Colder weather is on its way... Anything I missed from that list?   When people feel stressed, they...