Musings from my porch in Chicago that ask: am I good at hosting happiness? Am I the right shape to hold onto the life that I want? What noise do I make when I get knocked around? read this episode at ismatu.substack.com. Jazz of the episode: Why, Buzzardman, Why? x Alabaster Plume The Jordan River Song x Emahoy Tsege Mariam Gebru Lena’s Song x The Sweet Enoughs You Go To My Head x Billie Holiday Exit x Sebastian Mikael Still thinking of Jordan Neely. ismatu gwendolyn This is a public...

on what we owe to each other in the grief. This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ismatu.substack.com/subscribe

a conversation about survival, archival, and the intimacy found and lost when you grow up in the public eye. request the full transcript at [email protected] This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ismatu.substack.com/subscribe

this is the next essay in the study of self series. listen to the previous episode here. Content warning for: mentions of suicidal thought and intent, allusions towards self-harm. Nothing graphic, but it is a recurrent theme of the piece. The first time I got recognized from TikTok, I was at a porn convention. [insert the really cute but compromising picture of me at said porn convention here. I most definitely cannot post this photo so just imagine xoxo I need you to be right here with me...

A child model turned grad school stripper speaks openly about the reality of being shackled to Beauty (and the negotiations you make at the top of the hierarchy). Read the full essay at ismatu.substack.com. This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ismatu.substack.com/subscribe

Welcoming in Season II of Threadings. Notes on my the orbit of my personhood. An essay once titled, “how do I love myself?” (but I didn’t know what I meant by “love,” so first i sound it out) Themes of the essay: love is the feeling that compels you to action and the action itself. Poetry is the thesis of my life and practicing it is an act of love. Black feminism and love studies are, in many ways, the same discipline. I am just as much of the earth as the mountains are. Read the full...

in which I tell you about where I've been, where I've ended up, and where I'm going from here. Jazz of the episode: Send In The Clowns x Pat Martino On the Sunny Side of the Street x Johnny Hodges For All We Know x Ahmad Jamal Lilacs in the Rain x Junior Mance Dat Dere (Theme) x Bobby Timmons Trio The Summer Knows x Bucky Pizzarelli Down and Out x Joel Lyssarides Tangerine x George Van Eps Inflight x Lennie Tristan’s, Lenny Popkin Golden Earrings x Jan Lundgren Trio Land of Dreams x Ahmad...

musings once entitled, “a therapist reflects on the whiplash of finally having relationships with my parents i am grateful for, despite it all.” In which I watch the love I have for my parents bloom and die and bloom again. Full transcription available at ismatu.substack.com Jazz of the episode: Cicada Season x Fuubutsushi Manhattan x BLOSSOM DEARIE Melancholia x Wynton Marsalis The Single Petal Of A Rose x Ben Webster You Go To My Head x Frank Sinatra Michelle x Yusuf Lateef Easy Living x...

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit ismatu.substack.com . hellooooo internet friends! Please enjoy these before bed ramblings about myself and my life. I am so grateful fro this life. Thank you for listening.

We owe the children of this world tangible and lasting justice— and economic justice touches every kind of oppression there is. This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ismatu.substack.com/subscribe

an open letter to everyone fearful and exhausted, sent with love. This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ismatu.substack.com/subscribe

Ismatu Gwendolyn, clinical social worker and former impoverished child, doubles down on the ugly (and obvious) truth of why poverty exists in the first place. This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ismatu.substack.com/subscribe

If you’re reading or listening this, that means I’ve decided to pull back one of the veils of my life and tell you a little bit about my family history. My name is Ismatu Bangura, I am a Sierra Leonean Black American, and I am also the granddaughter of Paramount Chief Alhaji Bombolai [may he rest in peace]. Here is how my lineage affects my politic. Full transcription at substack.ismatu.com. This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to...

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit ismatu.substack.com

Introductions to a month-long series about poverty eradication, labor rights, and reproductive justice. Partnered with a fundraiser to help agricultural production for indigenous folks in Sierra Leone! Link to donate: gogetfunding.com/ismatu-gwendolyn Read the full essay: substack.ismatu.com SOURCES 2022 Global Multidimensional Poverty Index, linked in article Portela, J. (2021, January 15). 70% of the world lives on less than ten dollars a day. when do they get the vaccine? Stanford...

I do not set goals in January and I never will. I love myself too much to rush myself out of my winter hibernation. Why do we impose so much on a year that we just met? How do I hope for the harvest when I have not even tilled the earth yet? The ground is frozen! What if we just... sat and rested instead? In which Ismatu Gwendolyn discusses treating January gently and changing the name of the podcast to Threadings. read the full essay at ismatu.substack.com. Jazz of the episode: The Single...

Can true, full, and nuanced love truly exist across parasocial relationships? Ismatu Gwendolyn reflects on the dehumanizing nature of fame (no matter how small the audience) and reflects on their own conceptions of love (or lack thereof) as they accidentally became an influencer. read the full newsletter and join the bookclub: ismatu.substack.com Jazz of the episode: Skylark x Wynton Marsalis Feeling Good x Elvin Jones It's Too Late Now x Wynton Marsalis Manhattan x BLOSSOM DEARIE Love Song...

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit ismatu.substack.com in which I read from The Annotated African American Folktales and she occasionally gives a heartfelt "mmm." listen to the full story at Ismatu.substack.com. The Twin Heroes: An African Myth adapted by Alphonso O. Stafford | from the section “Folktales from The Brownies’ Book” out of The Annotated African American Folktales

Da’Shaun L. Harrison has penned one of my favorite texts in the past five years. I have read it three times in nine months and I have become more and more delighted with the person that I become absorbing these words. In Belly of the Beast: The Politics of Anti-Fatness as Anti-Blackness, Harrison presents theoretical frameworks that compel us to meaningful action. I will tell you now and I will tell you for free: belief that compels me to meaningful action is exactly my s**t. I am grateful,...

Instead of willing myself to love something that I simply do not, what if I was honest in my self-loathing? What might I be compelled to change if I did not feel morally bound to positivity? Read the full, pictured essay, sign up for the newsletter, and grab bonus materials at ismatu.substack.com Jazz Songs of the episode: Love, I’ve Found You by Wynton Kelly Warm Valley by Johnny Hodges Nancy (With The Laughing Face) by John Coltrane Quartet In the Wee Small Hours of the Morning by Wynton...

what kindness do I owe terror? Is there a better relationship I can have with my own fear than kill it, ignore it, eradicate it? Ismatu Gwendolyn makes some apologies and benedictions over fear itself. read the full essay and see very cute pictures of Ismatu as a child at ismatu.substack.com. This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ismatu.substack.com/subscribe

How is self love entangled with parental love? I am blooming into adulthood realizing that so much of myself is directly sourced from the people that raised me. For all her flaws and despite all her fumbles, how do I love do I love this mother of mine? In the same way I love myself. Enjoy the full essay and poem at Ismatu.substack.com. This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ismatu.substack.com/subscribe

What sort of love can we have for ourselves that we keep our own promises? Do I love myself in way that spurs me to act in my own best interest? In the way man loves man, divine loves humanity, and human reaches for the divine— can we too reach for ourselves with a love that compels us to action? What does the love of keeping my own promises look and feel like? subscribe to the newsletter: ismatu.substack.com. This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers...

Is it possible to pursue Excellence unabashedly without it being capitalism's fault? Do we have work spaces that are not defined by or centered around the work of money? How do we have a loving relationship with ourselves as working beings while living in a society with exploitative practices? Ismatu Gwendolyn discusses the work they do in public to shine a light on the relationship they have with their work in private. Join them as they sip some lavender chamomile tea. read the full essay...

Nobody knows how to critique anymore and it makes my ass itch. Beyoncé can be both in the oppressor class and one of the best artists alive; I promise I have the capacity to entertain both these thoughts. I am here to give libations to an artist that inspires me and to grieve when she is so utterly disappointing. How do you dawn Black radical tradition and be an open capitalist? What does that say about the love an artist has to offer their audience (if any at all)? Read the whole essay...