#275: Emotional outsourcing develops as a survival skill in response to a felt or experienced lack of belonging and safety during our developmental years. If you have a cellular understanding of the world as a dangerous place, you might experience intense moments of stress, distress, and trauma. The antidote? Cultivating a sense of safety from within.   Listen in this week to learn what happens when nervous system safety is lacking, how it impacts everything from our relationships to our...

#274: Defensiveness is a protective mechanism embedded in our evolutionary history that we can be grateful for, but it can also be painful to you and those you’re in relationship with. What can you do to step out of this deeply ingrained habit?   Tune in this week to learn where defensiveness stems from and how to cultivate patience and compassion towards yourself and others when it shows up. I’m showing you the connection between defensiveness and self-esteem, why thought work often isn’t...

#273: How often do you find yourself mired in stories filled with past regrets? Thinking about "what could have been" may feel constructive, but on the podcast this week, I'm exploring why these thought patterns don't serve you the way you think they do.   Tune in this week to learn why regret doesn’t change a darn thing, and how living in regret is a form of self-abandonment. You’ll hear how staying stuck in regret doesn’t save you from old patterns, what becomes possible when you ditch...

#272: If you find yourself exhausted from overextending yourself, stuck in relationships that feel one-sided, or even helping others in an attempt to ease your own discomfort, it might be time to rethink how you express compassion. This week, I'm offering a new lens through which to examine your actions, which I like to call "misguided compassion."    Tune in to learn how misguided compassion can highlight our tendencies in emotional outsourcing, but also offer us the opportunity to find...

#271: If you relate to my definition of emotional outsourcing tendencies, the thought of giving yourself true rest likely hasn’t crossed your mind in a hot minute. But have you ever wondered what it would be like to just call it and decide you’re not going to push through when your internal world is screaming for a break?   Tune in this week to hear the importance of befriending rest and the alternative to pushing through when your brain and body say no. I’m sharing a list of questions you...

#270: In a world where codependence and independence are posited as the only two options for how we can show up, you’re not alone if you feel a sense of tension in either way of being. Interdependence offers a healthy middle ground to these extremes, but what does interdependence actually look like, and how do we practice it?    Tune in to this episode to learn the differences between codependent relating and interdependence, and why interdependence in relationships feels so much better....

#269: There are a lot of things in the world right now that we could tell worried stories around, and our nervous systems jump to worry because they’re here to protect us. But the truth is, worry never accomplishes anything. Taking action, on the other hand, does.   If you want to get out of the habit of worrying and release your nervous system from this uncomfortable feeling, then today’s episode is for you. Tune in for a replay of one of our most valuable episodes where you’ll learn why...

#268: If you’ve been doing thought work for a while and have noticed yourself ruminating, or your thoughts moving into the land of self-criticism, you’re not alone. I've been there and so have many of my clients. Today, I want to offer a gentle reminder about the power of reconnecting to our physical bodies in our self development work.    In this episode, I’m sharing the reasons why our connection with our bodies’ deep intelligence is crucial as we learn to reclaim our presence and...

#267: Whether you find yourself moving through the world chronically offended, or know someone who does, taking things personally is super exhausting. Feeling criticized hurts, it keeps us out of presence, and it sows discord in all of our relationships. So why then do we do it? And how can we step out of this habit?   Join me this week to hear why you might be in the habit of taking things personally and how to stop. I’m showing you why taking things personally is a common survival tool...

#266: This week, I’m bringing you a live coaching call with one of my amazing clients inside my six-month program, Anchored: Overcoming Codependency. If you’ve ever wondered what goes on inside Anchored and what the coaching in this program looks like, this episode is for you.   I’m taking my wonderful client Kelly through the thought work protocol and the somatics model we use inside the program to connect with our bodies, inner children, and inner emotional parts. Tune in to experience...

#265: Something I hear quite often from folks is that while they feel really solid in their independence when they’re alone, their emotional outsourcing tendencies seem to suddenly get amplified as soon as they're in relationship, especially romantic relationship. Why does this happen?   Join me this week as I explore the crossfire between our independence and our almost desperate need to connect with and please others. I'll share some of the psychological factors at play that lead to a...

#264: Did you know that the health of some of your most important bodily systems – from your nervous system to your reproductive function – is impacted by how loved, safe, and secure you feel in the world? Relating is one of the most vital parts of being a human, and this week, I'm joined by Master Life Coach and self-proclaimed relationship nerd Maggie Reyes to discuss how to do it better.   Listen in as Maggie and I dive into the importance of cultivating coregulation in our...

#263: We can’t end this month of love without touching on one of the most vital ways we sustain ourselves: platonic love. This week, I’m introducing you to several of my closest friends –  Suneye, Jules, and Juana – and we're exploring why our friendships are the perfect playground to practice healthy relating.    Join us as we discuss why you should consider who you’re keeping in your circles, the power of treating your friends like your most beloved family, and how to release the story...

#262: My guest this week has a story that is truly emblematic of what’s possible when you choose you. Like so many people in helping professions, Lashonda Payne was noticing some emotional outsourcing patterns in her life until she decided she needed support. By joining our Anchored community, almost-doctor Lashonda showed herself the power of self-love and unconditional care, and she’s offering the gifts that have come from doing this work on this episode.   Join us this week as Lashonda...

#261: I have the most special treat for you this week! I am finally and with so much pride introducing you to my wife, Billey Albina. There is so much in how Billey and I interact that demonstrates the full embodiment of living in interdependence, and I know that sharing about our relationship will be helpful for all of you who want to free yourselves from co-dependency and people-pleasing.   Tune in this week to hear Billey and I share about our love, our interdependence, and how we keep...

#260: For many of us folks raised as women with people-pleasing tendencies, receiving compliments can feel like danger in the body. Even when the person’s intention is good, it can still leave us feeling exposed and uncomfortable. To discuss why this happens and what we can do about it, I’m joined by my friend, Master-Certified Sex and Pleasure Coach Danielle Savory.    Danielle and I discuss why receiving compliments, attention, and care can sometimes feel uncomfortable, and the power of...

#259: The modern dating experience can be incredibly isolating, but you’re definitely not alone if you feel like you’re struggling. My guest today, Lily Womble, is an intersectional feminist dating coach who’s here to break down the seemingly endless list of dumb dating rules we're fed today so we can actually create the epic, healthy love life we all want.   Lily Womble is the founder and CEO of Date Brazen: a company that helps badass feminist humans build joyful dating lives that make...

#258: How often do you catch yourself acting selflessly in an attempt to feel valued? You're not alone. Lots of us build our identity around the ways we're needed by others, sometimes without realizing it. Unfortunately, while feeling needed can temporarily satisfy a longing for connection or validation, this dependency creates a cycle of negativity that stands between us and true interdependence.    So how can we define a new version of ourselves? Join me this week to discover the true...

#257: Do you find yourself feeling confused or frustrated in situations that demand an emotional response? How did it come to be this way, and what can we do to reconnect with our feelings?    Avoidance of emotions in adulthood tends to overlap with an upbringing in which a "sweep-it-under-the-rug" philosophy was modeled, and this emotional silence leaves a profound and long-lasting imprint on us. Join me this week to learn the biological and psychological implications of growing up in an...

#256: I’ve had the honor of being a regular contributor to the Honeydew Me Podcast, hosted by Emma Norman and Cass Anderson. I was recently on the show to dive deep into somatics, sex, and feeling our feelings, and it was such a great conversation that I’m sharing that episode with you here.   At Honeydew Me, Emma and Cass’s mission is to have conversations about mind-blowing orgasms, feeling confident in the bedroom, and busting through the shame of it all. Tune in as Emma, Cass and I...

#255: Our values offer us a sense of authenticity, which is critical for overcoming our emotional outsourcing habits. But embracing our values isn't just personal. It’s also a radical act of transformation in the face of systemic challenges like patriarchy and coloniality. So if embracing our values is so important, why do we often struggle to do it?   Join me this week to learn why being guided by your values matters, what happens when you begin living by your values, and some of my...

#254: Many of us engage in the ritual of New Year’s resolutions without really questioning it. It’s just what we do, right? But this tradition may not be as supportive of your overall wellness as you think. This week, I’m inviting you to consider how you’re using New Year’s resolutions, and whether you want to continue with this ritual.   Join me as I tease apart the practice of New Year's resolutions and help you assess how it's impacting you. You’ll learn how we tend to use New Year’s...

#253: Whether you’re with your family of origin, your partner’s family, or your chosen family this holiday season, there’s one thing families are known for: pushing our buttons. To help you navigate the holidays with more peace and ease this year, I’m sharing one of my favorite tools for dealing with your beloved button-pushers, and it’s called Of Course They Did!   If you often find yourself wishing the people in your life were different, even though they’re doing exactly what they’ve...

#252: Lately on the podcast, we've been exploring the state of functional freeze – what it is, how it came to be, and how to shift out of it. If functional freeze has been your default for a while, you may notice some uncomfortable feelings crop up when you step out of it. That's why today I'll be helping you understand what happens internally once you emerge from functional freeze, and my top tips for adapting to your evolving self.   Join me this week to learn how moving out of functional...