Attachment Wounds: When You Can’t Work It Out In The Moment   Patricia reflects on her attachment wounds & something that happened with Jen. She emphasizes that the issue was not a rupture in her relationship, but rather her own trauma and wounding. She reassures listeners that they are doing fine & have navigated the situation with honesty & grace. Patricia also touches on the importance of doing personal work & finding others who are also committed to growth. She...

Navigating Grief, Uncertainty & Travel Through the Lens of Attachment Patricia and Jen discuss navigating uncertainty and overwhelm, managing change and unexpected situations, balancing personal needs, the power of communication and validation, finding meaning and value in relationships, coping with anxiety and catastrophic thinking, choosing to assume the best, managing energy and boundaries, secure attachment and autonomy, dealing with uncertainty and seeking information, taking care...

Being “Too Much” is a Narrative that needs to be Re-examined   Summary   Patricia discusses the wound of too much and how it can impact relationships. Too much is about BOTH people and the capacity of the other person. This is a narrative that needs to be reexamined, and the context of both people needs to be addressed. She explores the intersection of neurodivergence, trauma, and socialization. Patricia also explores the concept of rules, and how through an autistic lens, this can...

Learning to Trust Yourself and Finding Peace in Your Own Rhythm   Patricia discusses her experience when her husband is away. She shares her journey of managing attachment wounds, and the challenges of household responsibilities. Patricia also explores the impact of autistic burnout and ADHD on her ability to stay on top of things. She emphasizes the importance of honoring autonomy and considering others while maintaining a sense of self. Patricia concludes by encouraging listeners to...

Unmasking & Authentic Communication: Navigating Differences in Relationships   Patricia and Jen discuss the challenges of unmasking and being authentic in relationships including the role of PDA (Pervasive Drive for Autonomy). They explore the narratives we have about ourselves and how they can impact our interactions with others. They also delve into the differences in communication styles and perspectives, and the importance of embracing who we are. The conversation highlights the...

Exploring Neurodivergence in Relationships: Understanding Unique Perspectives In this conversation, Patricia and Jen discuss their struggles with linear content and their values of focusing on relational topics. They explore the challenges of staying true to their authentic selves while creating content. The conversation also delves into the dynamics of their relationship and the growth they have experienced in building trust and security, and things they sometimes find difficult to...

Red & Green Flags in Relationships   Patricia discusses red flags and ideal qualities in relationships. She emphasizes the importance of honoring rhythms and self-care, as well as effective communication and conflict resolution. Patricia also addresses gaslighting, setting boundaries, and the significance of trust, honesty, and similar values in a relationship. She explores the impact of political differences and attachment wounds on a partnership. The episode concludes with a...

Navigating Miscommunication and Misunderstanding   Jen helps me process through a communication blip I had with my son. My husband & I have very different styles when talking to our boys, & I felt inadequate, and I sometimes struggle to attune. We talk about context when communicating, projection, who is a safe person to get angry at, & I talk about my own reactivity and confusion at my reaction. Jen reminds me that my family sticks with hard conversations. We also talk about...

Neurodivergence and Friendship: The Struggle is Real   I talk about the challenges and complexities of friendships for neurodivergent folks, and the changing nature of friendships, the importance of reciprocity and communication. I discuss navigating difficult conversations, recognizing and addressing needs, and setting boundaries. I talk about the tendency to feel central in someone's life, and the challenges of accepting neurodivergence in relationships. I explore the importance of...

The Importance of Rest & Learning to Receive & Ask for Help   Patricia and Jen discuss their health updates and the challenges they have faced. They also delve into the pressure to be productive and the fear of not functioning. The conversation shifts to vulnerability and insecurity in relationships, as well as the process of learning to receive and ask for help. They reflect on the growth and healing that comes from navigating attachment wounds. The conversation concludes with a...

Autism Identification Should Come with a Warning Label (Including Autistic Burnout)   There are things that happen to most autistic people once they identify as autistic, and there should be a warning label! If you’re late diagnosed, and high masking, there’s a good chance you are, or will be in autistic burnout. There’s also skill regression, and not being able to push through anymore. This can be confusing and distressing. I bring you up to date on my health journey, and where I’m at...

Exploring Identity, and Turning Toward Yourself in Affirming Ways   Jen and I touch on so much in this episode: challenges setting boundaries; structure vs. the need for novelty (ADHD vs. autism), attachment injuries and bids for connection; the challenges and gifts of hard conversations; what neuro-affirming therapy looks like; PDA and focusing on others to reduce demands; masking; what comes up when someone suspects they are autistic or are recently diagnosed.   CO-HOST Jen Perry,...

Real Talk on Health Challenges: Speaking FOR Your Parts vs. Speaking FROM Your Parts   Jen and I talk about the difference between complaining, speaking honestly about what’s going on, and the other person’s capacity to sit with things that they may feel they need to fix or change. Many of you have been told that you complain too much or that you’re too negative. Neurodivergent brains tend to report the truth, and we are very discerning about what we like and what we don’t like. This can...

Getting from Here to There When You’ve Lost Your Routine   How do you get back in a groove after you’ve gotten out of it? We often assume we can jump back in, but sometimes it’s harder than that. I also talk about getting consent in relationships before giving feedback and advice. Attuning to the other person is the best gift you can give someone. This means dropping your agenda. I also talk about how to communicate your sensory needs when others are unaware. It can be exhausting it can...

Attachment Injuries, Internal Family Systems (IFS) and Self-Care Jen and I discuss attachment wounds and using an Internal Family Systems (IFS) framework. We talk about the difference of speaking for our parts vs. speaking from our parts. We talk about overperformance, the pressure to show up and masking, and the importance of feeling seen and heard in relationships. We talk about unpacking an autism diagnosis and reviewing life through the lens of autism. We also emphasize embracing...

The Power of Showing Up: Embracing Imperfection and Struggles with PDA and RSD   Jen and I discuss our struggles with showing up and doing life even when it's hard. We model grace and vulnerability, reminding you that it's okay to not have it all together. The conversation touches on topics such as PDA, rejection-sensitive dysphoria RSD, and the pressure of gift-giving. We also discuss the importance of communication and staying connected, even when feeling tired or overwhelmed. This...

Navigating Autism and PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance or Pervasive Drive for Autonomy)  I discuss being diagnosed Autistic with a PDA (pathological demand avoidance) profile. I express frustration with the DSM criteria for ADHD and autism, as I don’t see myself in the criteria. I highlight the common misdiagnosis of PDA as oppositional defiant disorder in children, emphasizing the need for a deeper understanding of neurodivergent experiences. I advocate a shift from viewing differences as...

Building Trust in Neurodivergent Settings: Overcoming Group Apprehension Ellie and Patricia highlight the importance of creating inclusive spaces that foster trust, comfort, and collaboration for neurodivergent folks. They discuss the benefits of tailoring curriculum to individual and group needs. This episode also touches on the depth and organic nature of group conversations, and the role of personalized attention within a structured framework. Overall, the conversation emphasizes the...

Neurodivergent Insights: Navigating ADHD, Autism, PDA, and Communication   Jen and I discuss the challenges of living with ADHD, Autism and PDA, including communication difficulties and perception of reality. We talk about how these show up for us differently, and how we navigate some of the challenges. I also share about disclosing to my MD about being autistic, and how that was received. We also talk about the difficulty of the holidays for some, and some end of year reflections that...

Redefining Success for the Neurodivergent   Jen and I discuss the concept of success and how it is often measured by neurotypical norms. We challenge these measures, and explore alternative ways to define and measure success for the neurodivergent. We emphasize the importance of authenticity, having hard conversations, and embracing imperfection. We also discuss the value of uncertainty and not knowing, and how it can lead to creativity and growth. We invite you to redefine success on...

Navigating Relationship Bumps: Whose Stuff is This?   Once again, I had a bump in a relationship, and I got to see that I had a part in it. Our fear of rejection, abandonment, or someone getting angry with us, can prevent us from having difficult conversations. We minimize our feelings for fear of being too sensitive. When we do this work enough, eventually, remaining silent, no longer works. I got pretty dysregulated, but I was able to manage. It was more important to share my feelings...

Navigating Competing Needs in a Relationship Jen & I talk about having competing needs while I was visiting her, and what came up for me, and how we navigated having uncomfortable feelings. We look at this through the lens of neurodivergence (Autism, HSP, ADHD and PDA). We also explore the difficulty I had as a neurodivergent person assessing if I had a good time on the trip or not. We also look at where we blended well and what we will do differently next time. CO-HOST Jen Perry,...

When Your Stuff Bumps Up Against Your Friend’s Stuff How do you navigate feeling hurt in a relationship, and the other person doesn’t understand (or realize) that you have been hurt? What do you do when the other person thinks you want space, but you feel hurt, and that’s not what you need, but you think the other person is distancing from you? Is it ok to text or email someone when you feel hurt and a phone call or in-person conversation feels overwhelming? I also talk about my dislike of...

Navigating Change: How to Stay True to Yourself While Traveling Travelling and being a guest in someone’s home can be challenging due to change: adjusting to new routines, and being out of your routine. I spend a week with Jen, and we talk about checking in with each other, and my need for structure, and Jen’s lack of structure. We talk about structure vs. flexibility, and as an autistic, how do I honor how I’m wired and still go with the flow? We focus heavily on self-care and compassion....