This episode originally aired on September 20th, 2022 Another important piece of understanding what is underneath your child's big, baffling behaviors is the Stress Response System. Our Stress Response System plays a huge role in our children's behaviors and also how we perceive those behaviors. In this episode, you’ll learn: What stress is and how to differentiate good stress from bad stressThe impact of trauma and toxic stress to the Stress Response SystemHow to build resilience in a...

Settle in for a fun and inspiring chat with hosts from Therapist Uncensored and authors of the new release Secure Relating, Sue Marriott & Ann Kelley. In this episode, you’ll learn How responding to our children’s (and partner’s) needs in the present moment, instead of from a place of anxious or avoidant states, can improve our relationshipsAbout the intersection of attachment and trauma in our systems of care- like the child welfare and mental health systemsHow much hope there is when we...

This episode originally aired on August 1st, 2023 Parenting a child with a vulnerable nervous system can feel like navigating a maze blindfolded. But what if we told you that understanding the balance between enabling and co-regulation could be your guiding light? This week, we break down this crucial contrast, demystifying the term 'enabling', often misconstrued in the mental health field, and venture into the science behind lowering demands - a strategy that can bolster your child’s stress...

I’m sure you’ve had moments (days, weeks, months) where it felt hard, maybe even impossible, to keep offering connection to your child. It is hard to offer connection to someone who seems to constantly reject it! If it feels hard to keep offering your child connection, I actually want you to shift your focus. Don’t prioritize offering connection to your child. Instead think about: Who can offer YOU connection?How can you offer connection to yourself?Who could you offer connection to who is...

The Club opens for new members next week, April 30 - May 4!For all the details and to sign up on the waiting list, head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub Rose LaPiere, LPC-S, RPT-S, is teaching a course on how to incorporate owls, watchdogs, and possums into child and play therapy!Virtually, May 10 & 17, 2024.6 CEs, including APT. Https://RobynGobbel.com/Theraplay2024 :::Overwhelmed and unsure where to start? Check out the START HERE podcast- I put it together just to answer the question...

If regulated, connected kids who feel safe do well, does that mean connected kids are always cooperative? Definitely not! In fact, there’s a level of connection to others- and to themselves! - that invites in the safety to be UNcooperative! In this episode, you’ll learn How safety can invite both cooperative and UNcooperative behaviorWhy too much cooperation would actually be a bad thingHow parenting with co-regulation and connection helps kids become more connected to themselvesResources...

This is NOT an episode about how to make your kid go to school.  What you WILL learn in this episode: What is pathological demand avoidance, or PDA?Schools valuing attendance above all is not helpfulYou are a good parent even if your kid doesn’t go to schoolThat sometimes, all we have to do is be niceResources mentioned in this podcast: Can’t Not Won’t by Eliza FrickerThe Family Experience of PDA by Eliza FrickerThe Educator's Experience of PDA by Eliza FrickerHow to Connect with Eliza...

The question of ‘can I heal’ or 'can my child heal' or ‘how do I (or my child) heal’ is a tricky one.  Healing is a word that gets used a lot without really pausing to ask ourselves what it actually means.  If we are aiming for a nebulous goal that hasn’t been defined, it will feel impossible to reach. Impossible tasks often feel hopeless. In this episode, you’ll learn Why it’s most useful to stay focused on widening our window of stress toleranceHow co-regulation contributes to healingHow...

***This episode originally aired on February 2nd, 2021*** Lying is probably the behavior parents seek support with the most.  It's confusing.  It's triggering.  It's exhausting. Did you catch last week's episode on X Ray Vision Goggles?  We can use those goggles to get underneath the lying so we can respond in ways that actually sets the boundary and increases the possibility of helping our children developing more socially and relationally appropriate behaviors. Free...

Do you live with someone or love someone who is chronically dysregulated? This episode isn’t an episode that is going to tell you what to do. This is an episode of commiseration. Of “I see you.” It is exhausting to live with someone who is chronically unhappy, or chronically dysregulated. Knowing you’re not alone can help. In this episode, you’ll learn How nervous systems match each otherHow we get our sense of safety from the state of each other’s nervous systemThe serve & return...

***This episode originally aired on February 16th, 2021*** Connection.  Empathizing.  Offering choices.  These parenting ideas sound good in theory but if you are living with a child who seems chronically angry or won’t get out of bed or is otherwise pretty much always unhappy or dysregulated- none of those parenting suggestions seem to do much good.  So…what should you do instead??? This episode takes you through the three places I always recommend parents start first when they are trying...

It’s very common for all humans- kids and adults- to have more behavior struggles and dysregulation. Kids with vulnerable nervous systems, as well as attachment trauma, are especially likely to demonstrate some confusing patterns with regard to where they are regulated and where they aren’t.  In this episode, you’ll learn The neurobiology behind why it’s normal for kids (and adults) to behave better at school (or work or out shopping or wherever)How the connections in a family could be the...

***This episode originally aired on May 11th, 2021*** You’ve asked yourself “Is this a behavior that’s coming from my child’s trauma?  Or is this regular acting out kid behavior???” Sometimes it’s pretty obvious but if you’re asking yourself that question, you’re probably in a situation where it isn’t obvious. What if I told you it doesn’t matter? Hear me out. Why do you want to figure that out?  Usually because it feels like you’ll handle the situation different based on the answer. But...

Parenting with co-regulating and seeing below our kids behaviors is actually a privilege we rarely talk about. It’s always a privilege, but especially when we consider different marginalized and oppressed identities that a lot of kids- and those of you listening- intersectionally hold.  In this episode, you’ll learn The definition of privilege (it is NOT a criticism)The privilege of safety for folks with histories of traumaThe privilege of safety for folks with other marginalized and...

Parents of kids with a history of relational and complex trauma are some of the loneliness people I’ve ever known. The loneliness of parenting becomes compounded when the loneliness isn’t seen. The loneliness is traumatic.  It leaves an imprint on our spirits that wreaks havoc on our health (physical and mental) and our relationships (with others, and with ourself). Undoing aloneness is one of the most important ways professionals and helpers can support parents of children impacted by...

Kids with vulnerable nervous systems often say BIG, hurtful, and scary words. They say things like “I hate you!” or “You hate me!” They sometimes threaten to hurt themselves- or you! Verbal aggression almost always pulls us right onto the watchdog pathway ourselves- which is understandable. Let’s talk about how you might respond if you’re able to hang onto your owl brain. In this episode, you’ll learn To stay focused on the level of activation, not the words being saidWhat to say (if...

Robyn explores the grief in parenting kids with vulnerable nervous systems  In this episode, you’ll learn: The relationship between trauma and griefWhy it's important to make space for grief in our kids and in ourselvesThe role of self-compassionHow a lack of media representation of your parenting journey causes griefResources mentioned in this podcast: Robyn's book: https://robyngobbel.com/bafflingbook Read a summary or the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/grief Over on my website you...

Have you ever felt confused by your child’s silly behavior? It seems like they are having fun, but it doesn’t feel good at all? In this episode, you’ll learn How to tell the difference between fun-silly and dysregulated-sillyWhat’s going on in the brain and nervous system for a child who is dysregulated-sillyPractical ideas for how to support your child returning to regulation, connection, and felt safetyResources mentioned in this podcast: The Connected Therapist by Marti SmithJoin The...

Our kids don’t need us to be perfect.  Not only do they not need us to be perfect, it would actually be bad for them if we were.   In fact, research shows parents are in attunement with their children about 30% of the time.  30%!  That’s it!   When I teach, I often reassure parents that ⅓ of their interactions with their child are “getting it right.”  About ⅓ of the time they are “getting it wrong” (whatever that even means- we all have our own, valid definitions).  The rest? The remaining ⅓?...

Parenting ‘experts’ forget to tell you the most important thing. All this advice??? You’ll never do it all the time or even most of the time. You don’t need to. That’s not the point. Together - me and you - let’s just aim for 1% better. Professionals- this one's for you, too. In this episode, you’ll learn A parenting professionals #1 job is to trust their clientsAim for 1% improvement. 5% ‘getting it right’ is better than 4%!Professionals don’t need all the answers. They need to...

What is a vulnerable nervous system and how do you know if your child has one? Understanding what is meant by "vulnerable nervous system" can help you support your child with big, baffling behaviors. In this episode, you’ll learn: What do I mean by vulnerable nervous systemHow to know if your child has a vulnerable nervous systemWhat causes nervous system vulnerabilityHow to support a child who has a vulnerable nervous systemResources mentioned in this podcast: Robyn's Book:...

Sometimes it’s those lower-level, chronic behaviors- like rudeness and sassiness- that can really deplete the very limited reserves we have saved up in our own window of stress tolerance. Then we waffle between over-responding (big reaction, tiny problem) or under-responding (ignoring dysregulation which ultimately leads to increased dysregulation).  Kids in chronic protection mode often seem rude, sassy, and mildly oppositional. What do we do when it feels like every word out of our own...

Understanding the difference between having influence over behavior vs. control can help you get clear on what to focus on.  One of the trickier parts of the work I do is talking so much with parents about attachment, their role in co-regulation, and felt-safety, without snagging into parent’s shame about every parent's deepest worry- that their child’s baffling behaviors are all their fault. In this episode, you’ll learn: What it means to influence, not controlWhat your real responsibility...

If you’ve ever wanted to eavesdrop on a conversation between two attachment, trauma, and neuro-nerds, today is your chance. Robyn and her dear friend and colleague, Jessica Sinarski, got together a few weeks ago for a live webinar to chat about how they have turned attachment science into practice. If you missed that webinar, here’s your chance to listen in. In this episode, you’ll learn Why most therapy trainings are inadequate for working with children with trauma and attachment...